And this is the second  big “test” for me to get thru. One note, I try very hard for not doing the same big mistakes for the second times! Saya bukan keledai. I mean, this time I must be more carefuly to answer my test. Proving to myself that there will be always the right and save  path available for me to take, in shaa Allah dunya and akhirah. What should I do then?

What? HE helps me by sending Mufty Menk, Nouman Ali and Yasmin Mogahed to tell me how. So I prepare myself to enter my test room by avoid doing sins first, struggle hard to sincerely stand up in my 5 times prayers IN TIME, wake up for qiyamum lil at 1/3 nigt, do something helpful even it is only a small thing, and put sabr in my heart for HIS HELPS is near……

Avoiding to do sins are not easy…the hard part is when I have to fight my own nafs and kick off the “hatred” I have, far far away from my heart. The heart is the holy place where ALLAH Wa Jalla can come and stay. I must clean my heart, so clean that ALLAH would be like to come to help and give me guidence.  Sis Yasmin said that our heart is our compas, our GPS. It is the stright link to WHOM we  belongs. Heart can guide us, but only the clean heart that we can trust to be the right guidence  GPS from HIM. How to make it clean? Sower it 5 times daily with salah and avoid sins whispers to enter the heart.  Make it holy… If it is good inside, in shaa Allah our outside act will be good too… if we do good …our surrounding will be efected well also.

It is not easy to be sabr too. Sabr doesnt mean, doing nothing and only pray. Sabr means pray and put sabar in doing thing to fix what is wrong become what is right, sabr means pray and put sabr in doing something as an efforts to fix the situation. Sabr means pray and put sabr in speaking  the truth. Sabr is not just pray and WAITING  without any efforts to make a change. I MUST do something with sabr.

If we want something BIG, we will need a huge try.. a huge effort to gain what we want, so I come to a conclusion that it will be not easy. I really have to prepare as good as I could, I really need HIS helps thru HIS facilitations that, subhanaa Allah has already been given to me, to us, since hundred years ago. They are; salah, tahajud, istiqarah, dhuha, sadokah, avoiding sins, repent, astagfirullah and inna lillahi wa inna illaihi rojiun.

Maybe this is not  all about dunya things anyway, maybe my “true”  test is about how to start exercising to get the “akhirah” things. The things that I have never been doing before as complete as this times. Subhanaa Allah

I was told not to try to be perfect because perfection is not human character. Allah doesnt need our perfection, but our EFFORTS to again and again repent and come back to HIS path, to ASK HIM. Trying to be perfect is also a delicious crack for syaiton to come in, so if we feel that we aren’t perfect we are more likely to feel sooo desperate. The feel that ALLAH Wa Jalla doesnt like at all, but syaiton does like it.

I was told for not to give hope to something “weak”, the strongest hope is a hope to THE ALMIGHTY ALLAH Wa Jalla.  The hope that is guaranted and the hope that is promised and the hope that would not be broken. So in my case, I must stop myself from blaming someone as a couse of my calamites. It is my fault in putting hope to something weak. So then when it was broken, or  it loosed, or it had  gone, I was disappoint and accused someone. No no…. I should not put hope to something weak, it was a mistake on the first place, I should put hope to ALLAH, my CREATOR, my MASTER, my GOD. HE is THE ONLY hope I should have.

I was told, that if I feel confuse in my test, I can ask HIS Guidence thru istiqarah. HE will help me thru my qalb, my heart.  That is why really, I must clean my heart first, so it will be easy for me to clearly  “listen” the clue… the guidence….the direction  HE tell me to do,  that I wont be lost anymore . I was also advised to discuss things with family members before deciding something important after doing istiqarah.

All these steps are HIS guidence for me alhamdulillah. But, I was reminded too that nothing gonna happens as magic. Everything need process. ALLAH never gives something in a sudden. HE gives or puts everything step by step, one by one, that is why HE said “ Be patience……….”

This test room I am now entering maybe preserves me with 20 questions or 60 questions, or even more. I believe, some are easy …some are most likely super difficult, but as long as I have a strong connection with HIM, I believe in shaa Allah, HE will not let me wrongly answer.

Ya ALLAH my LORD, if this brings good to me, help me get thru it… and help me pass YOUR exam excellently…… aamiin aamiin ya RABB

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