I am really entering the exam room. One question hadn’t got the answer yet, HE has given me another. I know HE doesn’t want the correct answers from me (because it is not important to HIM and actually HE has already known the answer that I will say), but it is my respon HE has been watching. I feel HE is examining me, my heart and my responses, not my answer.

You have no idea how many whispers in my mind, telling me to give up hope, or reminding me that I am a sinful person who is not worthed to be given a blessing or forgiveness by The Almighty at all, so none of my prayer would be answered and no helps too. They said it was a punishment and HE didn’t care anymore. The unknown whisperers in my mind kept tellin me to stop trying and do “demonstration” to protest HIM. Just like what I did years ago. Turning my path to the “old wrong path” that I had ever taken before. Coz, the sinful was never be the right person anymore even in the right path. Devil said.

But I have been told too that, being in the right path is already a guidence even it is a hard way to walk. Anyhow,  It is a way where many right response are available for me to “pick” to finally get the right answer. I have been told not to give up hope and hold on tightly to the rope of hope so that I will not fall. I have been told to not depend on human but ALLAH. Do sojoods many times and prolong the duas everytime I feel my faith is shaken.

So now, I pick a good deed and pray  to encounter the devil whispers in my mind by putting tawakal in my heart. The hard the whispers are, the more prayers and good deeds I do. The more they annoy me, the more I annoy them. I dont believe what they whispers to me, never again. Devils are liers!!!

I still dont get any answers of my examination yet, but in this “test room” i really feel the struggling between devil’s whispers, my nafs and my heart.

I’ve got many informations too that I can use as a weapons in my own battle. Alhamdulillah. But the war is not over yet. I am still in the room that its heat is getting worse; the battle field is getting wilder.

As a human, I can feel that sometimes I become weak, but sometimes I become strong. Everytime I forget HIM, it is the time I am gettin weak. Everytime I come to HIM, it is the time I feel much better and so strong. Subhanaa Allah… this compatible “feel” I never feel before, not until NOW. The time where the calamity is stroking me!!!

I hope the test stop in this two questions that I have not got the answer yet, I hope enough. But I don’t know…. It is HIM who really know my limit, and how weight is the burden that I can bear… it is HIM Who Knows.

May The Almighty help me get thru this test and make me as a winner 🙂 aamiin….

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