It happened last night.

I dont know… life gets difficult and so many problems occure but I never try to step back again alhamdulillah. Anyhow so many questions in my head, asking what was wrong with me? haven’t I made what best already? but.. nothing change to get better, what’s up? which one to fix ? Everything get worse! I felt like being pushed and crushed to the ground. But I dont listen to the evil’s whisper again, no more devil’s advocat! No more rebellion!!

The harder the situation is, the harder I try to hold tight to Allah’s rope. And.. that night I had a lil talks with my sis. Talking about my problem and try to find out the root. There were some assumptions but, I am not so sure. I must know what is the root of the problem so I can fix it in shaa Allah. Why did  I chosed my sis as a concelor? well.. she had ever had a very hard situation for a long time, so stressfull condition and beyond my imagination, but.. she, alhamdulillah, succeeded in getting thru it, and she got the best reward that she had ever got from Allah SWT. Simple, I just wanna be like her!!!

She advised me to make sujood as many as I could, everytime she felt bad she would make sujood and she suggested me to do the same, that was the conclusion from my disccusion with her. After that… the qur’an app, delivered my daily surah to read. It was surah Al-Alaq, first verse : IQRA!

I felt like: OMG…  isn’t it a sign from HIM? My heart said : “read it all! read!!”, and  I did read all the surah. I was so sure  that was the answer from HIM, that I need the tafseer.

A day after, I found the tafseer by my fave guru Ustad Nouman Ali, long duration: 2 hours and more and I decided to listen to it right away. The first time ustad Nouman said what was the meaning of “Alaq” in terms of marriage, my tears bursted out. “Ya Allah…Ya Allah…. it was me… so me…!”.

The tafseer that ustad Nouman explained answered all my question. We are arrogant people. Both of us are the arrogant people but different kind of arrogant. First kind of arrogant is like ” I dont need Allah”, that “I can do great job by myself” that “All my success are come from my own effort”. And the second kind of arrogant is  rebellion!!. someone know what is right but she/he chooses to be being wrong doer.. she/he has the Qur’an knowledge but she/he ignores it. That two kind of arrogants were in “Abu Jahal character”. The smart and knowlegeable person but an ignorrant.

That surah explains all detils of knowledge and arrogant people. People who do not search for the knowledge of the Qur’an in terms of to understand the Qur’an and implemented it in their daily life are as bad as people who have knowledge of the Qur’an but ignore it.  While arrogant people are two kind : first one is she/he doesn’t have a need of Allah and she/he is a rebel of Qur’an knowledge.  These kind of people will get the consequences that is : humaliation of their dignity and pride!. It does happen. Subhanaa Allah…. But Allah The Merciful says in the last ayah of surrah Al-Alaq that “not to continue it, and come closer to HIM by making sujood”, the “action” HE loves best to be done by HIS slaves. Masyaa Allah…

I felt like;  after angry at me because of my character was like Abu Jahal (an ignorant rebell) , HE asked me not to continue my kind of that arrogant, and come closer to HIM by making sujood. HE loves it. It makes HIM happy. What a Merciful One….

Oh Allah….yes yes . i will do that for You sincerelly… with love.. with all my heart and soul.

I love You Allah… and alhamdulillah for the guidence….

Al Ashr 1-3:
1. demi masa.
2. Sesungguhnya manusia itu benar-benar dalam kerugian,
3. kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan amal saleh dan nasehat menasehati supaya mentaati kebenaran dan nasehat menasehati supaya menetapi kesabaran.